Bleeding, Part 2

The thing that strikes me about my last post is the story of my first menstruation. My friend that I told. We were in the same grade, went to church together, played the same instrument in band (clarinet) and often competed between us for First Chair (which is the best of that instrument).
She had clearly either menstruated before I had, or she at least knew more about it than I did.

But she didn't say anything. I told her my stomach hurt, she thought that it was my cycle, but didn't say anything. Until the next day, and I already knew what had happened.

It's shrouded in secrecy. We don't talk about it. We refer to "that time of the month", "on the rag", etc. I came across this great site right now, of menstruation euphemisms (http://www.mum.org/words.html), and while some of it is funny (Blood is fighting its way out of my vagina "I know several women in the Pacific Northwest who use this phrase. It is particularily effective in clearing a room of men if announced loudly upon entering. For those less-euphemistic among us." See also Bleeding out my vagina, which sounds as if it's from the same person. (July 2005)), a lot of it really makes me sad ([The] bloody mess "I am 39 years old and have always hated 'the period,' or as I really like to call it, 'THE BLOODY MESS!' I don't refer to it as 'my period' because frankly, I have nothing to do with it - it just happens." emphasis mine).
It's so detached from us, our bodies, our selves. We don't speak honestly or straightforwardly. We speak in whispers, in code, or we use it to shock.

Women, we'moon, do not speak of our experiences as women and in our cycles in an honest, let alone reverential, way.
Even I refer to it as "bleeding" or "my (moon) cycle".
We have to use words, labels, and we have to categorize. It's part of being human. And menstruation is such an awkward label. (Godsdamned Romans) (I do like the word menses, though, and I don't use it enough.) (By the way, according to etymonline.com, menstrual is the original word, and menstruate/menstruation is a back-formation, a later reconstruction.)

I believe the silence is damning. I believe the refusal to speak honestly is what keeps the genders separate, and unequal. I believe that our truths are all we have.

You'll notice my preoccupation with honesty. In my personal life, I actually have a very hard time being honest. I come from an abusive family (not physically (or physically-sexually) abusive, but abusive all the same), where we were taught not to speak our truths, to keep silent about certain things (our femaleness, our growing-up questions about life, sexuality, gender, our religious questions, our doubts about the rightness of things my parents did and the way our household was run, etc.). Abusive growing-ups all share that silence and secrecy. If honesty were possible, the growing-up would not be abusive.
My inability to be honest (without effort) drives my motivation for honesty in all things.